Deepest cut healing?

Hey everyone, not sure if you all remember, but there was a period of time when I just felt SO down. Like no one cared for me at all, and I started to cry and everything? Yeah, well... I guess you could say that i'm feeling better..... not sure if that's entirely true, but i know i feel a little better. Sometimes I still get that feeling that i'm left alone though. Sometimes it feels... nice to be left alone, or maybe i'm just too used to it. Too used to closing myself up.

so recently my friends have been talking about going on an outing someplace tomorrow. I don't know, i feel uncomfortable. Like going to beautiful-reflection's fellowship, just... so uncomfortable. Out of place... intruding, you get me? I hardly understand what they're talking about online. P: which is fine... since i hardly understand what many friends are talking about.

like last year, out of my friends in class, they all knew this ONE secret... and i didn't know what it was. even though i asked my friends, they either tell me that it's not their secret or they can't tell me. I remember in math class, my teacher said to get into a group to make a probability board game within the given time. (a full class period, only one). I was sitting up front and when i turned around to look at my "friends", they were already in groups. Two different groups of 6, all filled up. Oh, lucky me. The odd one out. Haha, my teacher noticed that i was left out, she told me to join another group for the time being. I cried so badly when i got to that group. I ducked my head though, making sure no one saw, but the group i was working with saw...
ah...
my deepest
darkest
cut....
is my heart.
is it healing?
no one knows.
not even i know.
sometimes i feel it is...
sometimes i feel it's not.
so is it? or not?
i don't know.